I've been absent from blog land and exercise world due to developing a case of the nasty-couging-phlegm-fest. For a few days there I was coughing so hard and so often that my abs actually hurt! SCORE! I think if I have to waste time on being sick, the illness can do me the favour of forcing bit of my body to work out.
I have been on the mend for a few days now and am finally at the hardly-any-coughing stage. I feel completely worn out though. I haven't been to the gym since trying out the yoga class there. I did get on the scale once since the last weigh in and was at 284 lbs. I shudder to think what it is now after the Christmas spread. I did manage to control myself quite a bit at Christmas. I ate maybe half the sweets I would have done on previous Christmasses. I skipped MO-in-law's delicious pies altogether, but did have a rather large helping of trifle, which I put together myself, after convincing her that putting pumpkin in trifle would be a very bad idea indeed.
I felt like I was inintentionally falling off the wagon for the last week. I felt like I am sitting on the back of the wagon, dangling one leg over the side, contemplating how lovely it would be to hop of and have a nap on the soft grass instead.
I decided to stay on the wagon after getting a Christmas card from MO-in-law. She included a picture of the whole family taken on Thanksgiving. I swear, I look like somebody inflated me. I am the michilen man of the family. My arms do not go straight down, but rest on a slight angle against my rotund belly and side fat. I look so bloated and pale. I know it's been winter, but somehow I feel that a slighltly golden glow would have made the whole thing seem less dire.
This picture is a wake up call if there ever was one. Even my face looks fat. I think one of the main reasons I allowed things to get this far is because I do not gain easily in my face. Even now I do not have chins. Still just the one!
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
HYC wednesday weigh in.
Well, it's a gain for this week. Quite a big one at that. It's really easy to think you had a good week and then to feel all that optimism shatter when you get on the scale and it says, gulp, 286 lbs. This is apparently what happens when you slowly work your way through a box of Guylian Fruits de Mer and only go to one yoga class all week long and then figure that it's adequate exercise.
Today, at right around 6 pm, the obese lesbian from former fat and I are going walking. We committed to walking at least one and a half mile. This is how out of shape we are. We can not commit to walking anything more because that would not be a realistic goal.
I am obese straight married lady, she is obese lesbian. We are both shooting for merely overweight at least, ideally thin and svelte and lovely, but I think even just falling into overweight would do wonders for our collective self esteem.
Bah Humbug! no way will I be able to zip up the gut busting corduroy trousers by Christmas.
Today, at right around 6 pm, the obese lesbian from former fat and I are going walking. We committed to walking at least one and a half mile. This is how out of shape we are. We can not commit to walking anything more because that would not be a realistic goal.
I am obese straight married lady, she is obese lesbian. We are both shooting for merely overweight at least, ideally thin and svelte and lovely, but I think even just falling into overweight would do wonders for our collective self esteem.
Bah Humbug! no way will I be able to zip up the gut busting corduroy trousers by Christmas.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Week in review.
This week, I feel I did pretty well. I met one and a half of the three goals I set for myself. I feel like I met by far the biggest one, which was actually going to yoga class. I halfway accomplished what I wanted to in the healthy snack department, and I did not walk one and a half miles, since I was derailed by a very sore throat.
In the food department I made good choices at home, but did not make good choice in snacking and that is reflected on the scale. I plan to turn this little blip around in the next week. I ate waaayyy too much chocolate. I thought/hoped I would have the self control to stick to one serving a day if I got very nice lovely chocolate. Instead I polished of the box in three sittings. Now this, I have to point out, is a step in the right direction for me, since I would have polished off that same box in just one sitting in the past. The past being one or two months ago.
I am still in the area of fatness where you are so fat that you can't tell the difference if you lose two pounds or gain two pounds. No matter how hard I stare in the mirror to try and see if my gut is a little bit smaller, it just looks the same.
My throat is on fire, I feel absolutely sapped of all enthusiasm and strength, and we also got some less than stellar news regarding DH's continuing health care saga.
So a summery of this week
Actual food/meals: very good
Snacking: very bad
Exercise: great but not quite as stellar as I aimed for
Scale: up
Outlook: not that good/bleak
The bleak outlook has less to do with my weight and health than it does with my finances. I just joined a handy site I found called spending diary, where you can enter in every penny you spend every day and create your own categories for them. So instead of just "retail store" which is what my bank spending report calls Target, I can categorize every minute purchase, such as sunglasses and earrings, which goes under category "indulgence".
The thing is that DH and I are quite dreadfully in debt. I had a big old chunk of credit card debt to begin with and then he had 3 major surgeries this year. We are spending more on credit card debt per month than we are on rent. I told him that we are going to have to track every penny so we can see where we are being wasteful and get back on track. I feel if this works for calories it will also work for penny, n'est pas?
My new years resolutions are thus
Be less fat
Be less in debt
as a result, be calmer and happier
In the food department I made good choices at home, but did not make good choice in snacking and that is reflected on the scale. I plan to turn this little blip around in the next week. I ate waaayyy too much chocolate. I thought/hoped I would have the self control to stick to one serving a day if I got very nice lovely chocolate. Instead I polished of the box in three sittings. Now this, I have to point out, is a step in the right direction for me, since I would have polished off that same box in just one sitting in the past. The past being one or two months ago.
I am still in the area of fatness where you are so fat that you can't tell the difference if you lose two pounds or gain two pounds. No matter how hard I stare in the mirror to try and see if my gut is a little bit smaller, it just looks the same.
My throat is on fire, I feel absolutely sapped of all enthusiasm and strength, and we also got some less than stellar news regarding DH's continuing health care saga.
So a summery of this week
Actual food/meals: very good
Snacking: very bad
Exercise: great but not quite as stellar as I aimed for
Scale: up
Outlook: not that good/bleak
The bleak outlook has less to do with my weight and health than it does with my finances. I just joined a handy site I found called spending diary, where you can enter in every penny you spend every day and create your own categories for them. So instead of just "retail store" which is what my bank spending report calls Target, I can categorize every minute purchase, such as sunglasses and earrings, which goes under category "indulgence".
The thing is that DH and I are quite dreadfully in debt. I had a big old chunk of credit card debt to begin with and then he had 3 major surgeries this year. We are spending more on credit card debt per month than we are on rent. I told him that we are going to have to track every penny so we can see where we are being wasteful and get back on track. I feel if this works for calories it will also work for penny, n'est pas?
My new years resolutions are thus
Be less fat
Be less in debt
as a result, be calmer and happier
Friday, December 12, 2008
15: Yoga Class
I have accomplished one goal for the week. I attended the yoga class. I tried to talk myself out of it as I was getting dressed. I unearthed my yoga mat where it was stuffed in a corner behind our chest of drawers. Strangely enough, there was a steak knife in the box with the yoga mat. This is the first time I've opened the yoga mat box in 3 years, so heaven knows how it got there.
I left for yoga, and then I tried to talk myself into going shopping as I drove to yoga. I didn't listen though and actually drove all the way to the gym. My plan was fantastic. I would set up close to the center of the room so I can see the instructor, but in the back so other people can hide me. There was one person in the room when I arrived. Two more showed up, and then the instructor came. That was it! Only 4 students! So much for hiding. I figured at least there are only 4 people in the room who could look at me and think about what a chubby klutz I am.
I had forgotten how hard yoga is. All that downward dog and supporting your body weight on your non-existent arm muscles. It's not even 24 hours after the class yet, and my bum, thighs, shoulder and arms are ACHING! I know it's a good ache, and I am going back. There will be a class next Thursday, but obviously none the week after that as it will be Christmas.
I have jeans from old navy that I can pull down without undoing the button or zip - but only after I've worn them for a few times straight. I figured if they can come off unassisted, I can probably go one size smaller, so I bought a beautiful pair of brown cords, that are actually cut "tall" so they reach all the way down to my ankles. I ordered them online, of course, since there are hardly ever Tall pants in the store, and even the non-tall pants are snapped up by all the other fatties as soon as they hit the shelves. They arrived today in the mail and they fit fabulously over my thighs and bum. The one small snag is that I can't quite do them up without sucking in my gut and holding it. If I was to relaxed they'd probably cut me in half.
So, my mini goal before winter is out is to get svelte enough that I could wear them before we get warm weather again. If I can manage to button them up and live by Christmas, I'll totally wear them for the day. They would no doubt discourage me from stuffing my face on mother-in-law's delicious Christmas dinner.
I left for yoga, and then I tried to talk myself into going shopping as I drove to yoga. I didn't listen though and actually drove all the way to the gym. My plan was fantastic. I would set up close to the center of the room so I can see the instructor, but in the back so other people can hide me. There was one person in the room when I arrived. Two more showed up, and then the instructor came. That was it! Only 4 students! So much for hiding. I figured at least there are only 4 people in the room who could look at me and think about what a chubby klutz I am.
I had forgotten how hard yoga is. All that downward dog and supporting your body weight on your non-existent arm muscles. It's not even 24 hours after the class yet, and my bum, thighs, shoulder and arms are ACHING! I know it's a good ache, and I am going back. There will be a class next Thursday, but obviously none the week after that as it will be Christmas.
I have jeans from old navy that I can pull down without undoing the button or zip - but only after I've worn them for a few times straight. I figured if they can come off unassisted, I can probably go one size smaller, so I bought a beautiful pair of brown cords, that are actually cut "tall" so they reach all the way down to my ankles. I ordered them online, of course, since there are hardly ever Tall pants in the store, and even the non-tall pants are snapped up by all the other fatties as soon as they hit the shelves. They arrived today in the mail and they fit fabulously over my thighs and bum. The one small snag is that I can't quite do them up without sucking in my gut and holding it. If I was to relaxed they'd probably cut me in half.
So, my mini goal before winter is out is to get svelte enough that I could wear them before we get warm weather again. If I can manage to button them up and live by Christmas, I'll totally wear them for the day. They would no doubt discourage me from stuffing my face on mother-in-law's delicious Christmas dinner.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
2 more pounds gone!
I hopped on the scale earlier today, and found the numbers 282 blinking back at me. 282! GOOD HEAVENS! 8 pounds gone since I started the blog!
I have been very conscious about my insane snacking. I bought apples and bananas and have been eating those rather than whatever it was I was munching on before. I've also bought a variety of nuts and tried to glaze some walnuts. The keyword here is "tried". I looked up various recipes and then I just kinda did what the recipes said. So, they are good, but nothing like the Emerald nuts Glazed walnuts which I adore. I can't deny my sweet tooth, and sweet nuts is a whole bunch better than chocolate, isn't it?
My plans for the next few days are:
Make more healthy snack options available. This I will do by carefully following the directions for how to make sweet potato crisps and banana chips. The recipes I looked at makes it seem like a 3 hour affair, so I'll be leaving that for a day I'm not working - Wednesday or Thursday.
Attend a yoga class at the gym at least once this week. My options are Tuesday, Thursday or Sunday mornings. I think the Sunday class will be jam packed with weekenders, so I am going to shoot for the Tuesday class, and if for some reason it doesn't pan out, I'll be doing the Thursday class.
Do at least 1 1/2 miles on the treadmill when I next go to the gym for sure - which will be Wednesday am when I got off work. Every time I've gone so far I walked for 1 mile and then called it quits. Last time I was there I managed to pull a groin muscles which put me out of circulation for 2 days. TWO DAYS!!! How I am so fat that I get injured walking? I took magnesium, ate bananas for potassium and had a professional massage which I had a gift certificate for (thanks boss!), and I am now right as rain and itching to do more.
I must be doing something right, the scale would not be going down if I wasn't. I am super exited to be seeing results, even if it is just the numbers on the scale going down.
I have been very conscious about my insane snacking. I bought apples and bananas and have been eating those rather than whatever it was I was munching on before. I've also bought a variety of nuts and tried to glaze some walnuts. The keyword here is "tried". I looked up various recipes and then I just kinda did what the recipes said. So, they are good, but nothing like the Emerald nuts Glazed walnuts which I adore. I can't deny my sweet tooth, and sweet nuts is a whole bunch better than chocolate, isn't it?
My plans for the next few days are:
Make more healthy snack options available. This I will do by carefully following the directions for how to make sweet potato crisps and banana chips. The recipes I looked at makes it seem like a 3 hour affair, so I'll be leaving that for a day I'm not working - Wednesday or Thursday.
Attend a yoga class at the gym at least once this week. My options are Tuesday, Thursday or Sunday mornings. I think the Sunday class will be jam packed with weekenders, so I am going to shoot for the Tuesday class, and if for some reason it doesn't pan out, I'll be doing the Thursday class.
Do at least 1 1/2 miles on the treadmill when I next go to the gym for sure - which will be Wednesday am when I got off work. Every time I've gone so far I walked for 1 mile and then called it quits. Last time I was there I managed to pull a groin muscles which put me out of circulation for 2 days. TWO DAYS!!! How I am so fat that I get injured walking? I took magnesium, ate bananas for potassium and had a professional massage which I had a gift certificate for (thanks boss!), and I am now right as rain and itching to do more.
I must be doing something right, the scale would not be going down if I wasn't. I am super exited to be seeing results, even if it is just the numbers on the scale going down.
Saturday, December 6, 2008
13: I can't believe it!
The reason I can't believe it is because it's probably not true, but
I'VE LOST 6 POUNDS!!
We have an old school scale where the little needle points to the one, and when I get on it the needle swings around and hits 290, which is only 10 points to the other side of the one.
I went to Target to buy a digital scale, and got one that would be accurate to 0.3 pounds, thinking that this weight loss thing will take time and I'll wanna see every bit of it. Soooo, I got on it and it said 184 pounds. I stepped off, stepped back on, and it still said 184. so of course I thought "well, this is a different scale you know!" So I walked back to old school scale, where the needle only swung around to right in front of the 185. OH MY WORD!
I am astounded! I wasn't trying to diet, but I did keep mind better since I was trying to write down everything I ate.
I also went to the gym, twice! On Wednesday all I did was walk a 24 minute mile on the treadmill and go home, Thursday I walked a 21 minute mile, did some rowing machine, did some biceps weight machine, and then did stationary bike until I was no longer out of breath.
Thursday's little jaunt is the reason why I was only able to stand being at work for 2 hours today. I think I pulled a groin muscle, and man it hurts. I can't believe I injured myself just walking!
I have a gift certificate to massage envy, so my plan of action is to get up in a timely manner tomorrow and get the massage, and tell them to please fix that bit. I am kinda nervous about it because I don't really want anybody to see all my flab, but whatever, I am too going and it will be fantastic. I should be right as rain by Sunday, and in the event that I do not oversleep, I may go to the yoga class at the gym. I am paying through my neck for this gym, and this time around I am going to get my money's worth.
I'VE LOST 6 POUNDS!!
We have an old school scale where the little needle points to the one, and when I get on it the needle swings around and hits 290, which is only 10 points to the other side of the one.
I went to Target to buy a digital scale, and got one that would be accurate to 0.3 pounds, thinking that this weight loss thing will take time and I'll wanna see every bit of it. Soooo, I got on it and it said 184 pounds. I stepped off, stepped back on, and it still said 184. so of course I thought "well, this is a different scale you know!" So I walked back to old school scale, where the needle only swung around to right in front of the 185. OH MY WORD!
I am astounded! I wasn't trying to diet, but I did keep mind better since I was trying to write down everything I ate.
I also went to the gym, twice! On Wednesday all I did was walk a 24 minute mile on the treadmill and go home, Thursday I walked a 21 minute mile, did some rowing machine, did some biceps weight machine, and then did stationary bike until I was no longer out of breath.
Thursday's little jaunt is the reason why I was only able to stand being at work for 2 hours today. I think I pulled a groin muscle, and man it hurts. I can't believe I injured myself just walking!
I have a gift certificate to massage envy, so my plan of action is to get up in a timely manner tomorrow and get the massage, and tell them to please fix that bit. I am kinda nervous about it because I don't really want anybody to see all my flab, but whatever, I am too going and it will be fantastic. I should be right as rain by Sunday, and in the event that I do not oversleep, I may go to the yoga class at the gym. I am paying through my neck for this gym, and this time around I am going to get my money's worth.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
12: Tuesday's awake period
So I’m reading the wikipedia entry on Obesity. Just to show you how utterly ridiculous I am, I am eating one serving of Cadbury’s solid milk chocolates and having a DR Pepper while I’m reading it. Oh, and I am a Class II when it comes to Obesity.
Quick aside:
Only one serving of chocolate since that was all that was left in the bag. 200 calories for the chocs, 150 calories for the DR P (it’s a itty bitty 12 fl oz/355 ml bottle). 350 calories right there. That is the same as my lunch! I had one cup one minute brown rice, 190 calories, and one bag steamed veggies, 200 calories – it’s 50 calories per portion, but I find eating the whole thing as a meal to be a much better idea. That 390, plus that snack makes 740, plus the brisk lemon iced tea I had when I got to work, (120 calories makes 860, plus the handful of dried wild blueberries (around 50 calories) makes it so far today, 910 calories altogether. Now that is pretty good if I do say so myself since I am STUFFED.
According to wiki, “A systematic review found that people who use pedometers, during on average an 18 week period, increased their physical activity by 27% and subsequently decreased their BMI by 0.38.” That is Freakin Great! I am wearing my pedometer right now! I keep obsessing in how I can get more steps in. Yesterday I actually went past 5000 steps! (this is of course only a 3rd of the recommended amount of steps per day for weight loss, but watev! It’s about 2000 more steps than I usually take)
Also according to wiki “The only remaining region of the world where obesity is not common is sub-Saharan Africa”, which is where I am from. This means that if I can ever afford to go visit home again, I better get rid of some serious poundage so that all of my old school chums won’t faint when seeing how much of a chub I’ve become.
Oh this is how in denial I am. I type up that I ate less that 1000 calories and am full. Hmph. I conveniently forgot going to our local sub chain called Thundercloud subs and getting a small Office Favourite, on wheat mind you. But only because they were out of white. 850 calories. This is due to the sub being made up of lettuce, tomato, bacon and eggs salad made with loads of mayo. Yummy, but fatty.
So, reality check on the calories, 1760 calories. DAMNit. I thought I had so many calories left for snacking.
Quick aside:
Only one serving of chocolate since that was all that was left in the bag. 200 calories for the chocs, 150 calories for the DR P (it’s a itty bitty 12 fl oz/355 ml bottle). 350 calories right there. That is the same as my lunch! I had one cup one minute brown rice, 190 calories, and one bag steamed veggies, 200 calories – it’s 50 calories per portion, but I find eating the whole thing as a meal to be a much better idea. That 390, plus that snack makes 740, plus the brisk lemon iced tea I had when I got to work, (120 calories makes 860, plus the handful of dried wild blueberries (around 50 calories) makes it so far today, 910 calories altogether. Now that is pretty good if I do say so myself since I am STUFFED.
According to wiki, “A systematic review found that people who use pedometers, during on average an 18 week period, increased their physical activity by 27% and subsequently decreased their BMI by 0.38.” That is Freakin Great! I am wearing my pedometer right now! I keep obsessing in how I can get more steps in. Yesterday I actually went past 5000 steps! (this is of course only a 3rd of the recommended amount of steps per day for weight loss, but watev! It’s about 2000 more steps than I usually take)
Also according to wiki “The only remaining region of the world where obesity is not common is sub-Saharan Africa”, which is where I am from. This means that if I can ever afford to go visit home again, I better get rid of some serious poundage so that all of my old school chums won’t faint when seeing how much of a chub I’ve become.
Oh this is how in denial I am. I type up that I ate less that 1000 calories and am full. Hmph. I conveniently forgot going to our local sub chain called Thundercloud subs and getting a small Office Favourite, on wheat mind you. But only because they were out of white. 850 calories. This is due to the sub being made up of lettuce, tomato, bacon and eggs salad made with loads of mayo. Yummy, but fatty.
So, reality check on the calories, 1760 calories. DAMNit. I thought I had so many calories left for snacking.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
11: Tuesday
Technically Tuesday, I know, but I am still on Monday because my schedule is non conformist. One thing that I feel is a bit of an obstacle on my journey to svelte sexiness is my above mentioned schedule.
I work from 6 pm to 4:30 am. I sit in a cubicle at work, expect it's really much more exciting than just a normal old cubicle because at my job we call them "pods". I go home, snack mindlessly while watching reruns of CSI I have on the DVR, and if there is nothing good recorded to watch, then I watch Babies: Special delivery on normal TV. (Just incase I become insane and think I want kids, this show keeps me on track).
DH comes home from his job at 8 am, so I often just lounge around waiting for him to show up and then we go to bed together. Since it's winter now it only starts getting light around 7:30 am. I'm a little apprehensive about taking a walk in my neighbourhood when it's dark out - actually I'm also apprehensive about taking a walk in my neighbourhood in the middle of the day. I live on the East Side of town, and even though our neighbourhood is relatively quiet, the East Side has a reputation for all kinds of nastiness.
I wake up somewhere between 4 pm and 5:40 pm (when I oversleep like today) and putter around doing things like taking a shower, feeding our herd of kitties, and getting my lunch ready. I then go to work where I sit on my bum for the next 10 hours.
Here's my dirty little secret. I have a gym membership. I even got it at a discounted rate because I am a state employee. I haven't been since May. That is 7 months! I am such a lazy ass!
I have a rocksolid reason for not being able to go in May, September and October, but the rest of the time I was being lazy and nothing else. Since I started this job in Oct 2007 (coincidentally also when I got the gym membership) I have gained 20 pounds.
So the solution is obvious, isn't it? Instead of going home and collapsing under the little red blanky on the sofa, I need to go to the gym and just move my backside around some.
I'm waiting for inspiration to strike me like a bolt of lightning.
I work from 6 pm to 4:30 am. I sit in a cubicle at work, expect it's really much more exciting than just a normal old cubicle because at my job we call them "pods". I go home, snack mindlessly while watching reruns of CSI I have on the DVR, and if there is nothing good recorded to watch, then I watch Babies: Special delivery on normal TV. (Just incase I become insane and think I want kids, this show keeps me on track).
DH comes home from his job at 8 am, so I often just lounge around waiting for him to show up and then we go to bed together. Since it's winter now it only starts getting light around 7:30 am. I'm a little apprehensive about taking a walk in my neighbourhood when it's dark out - actually I'm also apprehensive about taking a walk in my neighbourhood in the middle of the day. I live on the East Side of town, and even though our neighbourhood is relatively quiet, the East Side has a reputation for all kinds of nastiness.
I wake up somewhere between 4 pm and 5:40 pm (when I oversleep like today) and putter around doing things like taking a shower, feeding our herd of kitties, and getting my lunch ready. I then go to work where I sit on my bum for the next 10 hours.
Here's my dirty little secret. I have a gym membership. I even got it at a discounted rate because I am a state employee. I haven't been since May. That is 7 months! I am such a lazy ass!
I have a rocksolid reason for not being able to go in May, September and October, but the rest of the time I was being lazy and nothing else. Since I started this job in Oct 2007 (coincidentally also when I got the gym membership) I have gained 20 pounds.
So the solution is obvious, isn't it? Instead of going home and collapsing under the little red blanky on the sofa, I need to go to the gym and just move my backside around some.
I'm waiting for inspiration to strike me like a bolt of lightning.
Monday, December 1, 2008
10: Monday early AM
So I totally BLEW the good calorie count I had on Saturday by going home and gorging on a box of Christmas chocolates while watching CSI: NY reruns. Then, because I was feeling icky and guilty I actually got on a bicycle and actually biked around the block.
It damn near killed me.
I tried my own bicycle first, but I am so fat, that the slightly deflated tired became a completely deflated tire when I got on it. So I borrowed roomie's bike, and went around the block. The first part of the block is downhill, the second is uphill. Her bike has gears, so I was totally happy being on it, until I started getting out of breath. You know that feeling when you are so out of breath that your throat literally burns when you breath?, yeah, that was me. I was so desperate to switch to a lower gear that I, of course, could not figure out how the gear shift worked for the live of me.
I didn't die though, so that's pretty good. I'll pump my bicycle's tires, and figure out which roads are pretty flat. I wish my bicycle had gears. I wish I was clever enough to buy a bicycle with gears, and not a pink beach cruiser just because I thought it was pretty
It damn near killed me.
I tried my own bicycle first, but I am so fat, that the slightly deflated tired became a completely deflated tire when I got on it. So I borrowed roomie's bike, and went around the block. The first part of the block is downhill, the second is uphill. Her bike has gears, so I was totally happy being on it, until I started getting out of breath. You know that feeling when you are so out of breath that your throat literally burns when you breath?, yeah, that was me. I was so desperate to switch to a lower gear that I, of course, could not figure out how the gear shift worked for the live of me.
I didn't die though, so that's pretty good. I'll pump my bicycle's tires, and figure out which roads are pretty flat. I wish my bicycle had gears. I wish I was clever enough to buy a bicycle with gears, and not a pink beach cruiser just because I thought it was pretty
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