Hello Weight Loss

Hello weight gain.

2009-05-11T21:04:00.002-05:00

I don't know, I just haven't been feeling the whole weight loss thing recently. I hate being blubbery, but my knee is so weak and sore that it twinges and pain when I walk any sort of distance. I've also been seeing a chiropracter to help my poor inflamed wussy hip get over itself. I haven't been on a scale in ages. I don't feel any thinner.

I've been procrastinating

2009-04-05T08:33:00.002-05:00

I haven't been on a scale in ages, and I'm generally ignoring all things weight related. This is because of Easter. I blame the pagans.

Once Easter rolled around I made the decision to temporarily get off the weight loss wagon because of my known and profound love of Cadbury's caramel eggs. I swear I probably gained 30 pounds last east alone. I can eat them by the box (of 4), actually I can eat two boxes in a night.

So, If I tried sticking the the shrinking, I'd be trying to ignore them in stores, which would lead to me buying oodles of them and eating them secretly in the car. Because of this crazy tendency of mine, I've decided a level headed approach is needed.

Pause button on the weight monitoring, and calm and rational consumption of caramel eggs. I have had a lot yes, but probably only a four of last year. And while I did eat two entire large bags of cheetos in the last month, My eating has generally been sane, normal and pretty healthy - leaning heavily towards steamed veggies, which is my dinner four times a week at work.

Because I have a slightly OCD personality and like to sit still (hence the glaring lack of any sort of exercise), I am knitting. I think I'm going to start a knit-blog, just as a journal of what I'm doing and new stiches I'm learning. I love knitting.

Biking for a better bum

2009-03-04T18:13:00.003-06:00

Back in the old country, there is a singer called Anton Goosen who was a song that goes "bicycle ry, ja jy moet bicycle ry, bicycle ry dat jy kan mooi boude kry" - which translates to "ride a bike yes you must ride a bike, ride a bike so you can get a pretty ass".

If only I had the strength to do it. I biked for a total of 1.9 miles today. This is a fraction of what I intended to do. My knees felt like they were on fire.

Genetically speaking, I was gifted with wonky knees. This means that any sort of bending at the knee activity in general makes me wince and I can't do it very well. When I walked the 4 miles the other day I really started feeling the knees in what was probably mile 2 and a bit.

Enthusiastic Workout Girl, our new roommate, walked with me and biked with me, it was in fact her bike I used today.

I thought my heart would explode. My breath was racing in a way that made my throat ache. My knees felt on fire and I may even have teared up a little under my sunglasses out of frustration - this all while children on tricycles could have overtaken me. All I wanted to do was come home and collapse with a pint of ice cream. Instead I had some dried mangoes, which are very sweet and generally helps me kick an ice-cream craving in the pants.

I feel like this bike ride was an epic failure because I didn't actually go as far as I wanted to. It's really hard to remember that it's all about baby steps. I did do damn near two miles, right? Much much better than the previous time I tried biking anywhere (when I just went around the block and needed about 30 minutes to recover.) I was actually surprised when I checked Google maps to see just how far I did go and found that it was an actual measurable distance.

On a happy note, yesterday was my birthday! On a sad note, this was my fattest birthday ever. The first birthday that I knew hubby he attended my birthday bash to which I wore my skinny size 14 jeans. I don't want to even compare them with the 22s I am currently wearing. The 22s are super loose, and I'll probably have to go down a size within the next month or two, but it's still a far cry from those 14s. They are in the back of my closet, just waiting.

Four Miles!

2009-02-28T02:06:00.004-06:00

That's right! Four miles! I walked an entire four miles on Wednesday.

Austin really is a great city for those who would like to get in shape outside. We have a bit of the Colorado river cutting through downtown, and because it's damned on one end, it's called "Town Lake", although a more fitting name would be "Town river".

There are hike and bike trails going all around Town Lake with pedestrian bridges connecting the two sides. You can choose to do various loops between the bridges. The one I did was Mopac bridge to Pfluger Pedestrian bridge, which is technically 3.47 miles. I plan to do it again on Sunday. My knees allowing I'll do the same loop, if not, I'll do Pfluger Pedestrian to South 1st street loop, which is 1.56 miles.

I want to do a 5K in April, and am thrilled that 3.47 miles are 5.58 kilometers! So Yay! I can def. do it.

Back in my thin days, I did this loop at least once a week, often times more than that. When I met my now husband I stopped doing it and spent time with him instead. Oh! the perils of romance.

Out of my Hidey hole.

2009-02-25T03:00:00.002-06:00

I've hiding from the scale, and form the blog. I got our latest round of bills in the mail, which sent me into a depressive panic and led to the eating on a box of chocolates and two pints of ice cream.

What did I learn from this - I am still absolutely, above all things, a comfort eater. I think I did feel a little bit better after the chocolate. After the ice cream I mostly fell ill. I have grown unaccustomed to so much richness all in one go.

I didn't want to even look at the scale. I was sure I'd be back at 190. All the hard work and slacking with good intentions for nothing.

So, imagine My Surprise when I finally scraped together the guts today to step on the scale and find it at 281.3 lbs.

I had still been eating healthy meals, and not drinking giant sodas, and having just gallons of water, so I suppose your body allows you some transgressions. I don't like the idea of being "bad" with food. I feel that I should still be able to eat my chocs and eat my ice cream and not be beset of feelings of guilt and despair afterwards. Generally, I can have the odd piece of Guylian Fruits de Mer without feeling one bit guilty. I just need to keep moderation in mind, and stop after that odd piece or two, or three, and not allow it to become the odd 17 or 18 pieces. Too Much! I should damn right feel guilty for being such a piggy. That chocolate is not cheap, you know.

Enell!!

2009-02-16T18:37:00.004-06:00

Oh my jolly boobs!

I received by Enell sports bra in the mail. No bones about it, it's ugly. It's made from super shiny bra material that makes me think of the 80s. Here's the thing, I don't care how ugly it is, this thing is so incredibly comfortable!

I got it on Thursday and tried it on and thought, "wow". Then on Friday I tried it on again and marveled at the way my boobs were up where boobs go and not hanging out next to my elbows. So I wore it to work. On Saturday I wore it to work. Today, I am wearing it to work again.

I haven't actually worked out in it yet. I did something dodgy to my lower back and have an appointment with a chiropractor tomorrow. I'm ready to feel all propery aligned so I can have a go at exercising.

The Enell claim is "the bounce stops here". If you expect your girls to just sit there like you're a marble statue one you've put the bra on, that will not happen, you cannot defy physics and gravity and other things that control things going up and down. The brilliant thing about the bra is, when you jump, the boobs go up with you, and they come down with you, and then that's that! There is no after-schock flab jiggle. There is no compulsion to hold your chest when you're doing any sort of jumpy activity.

Since I've been wearing this bra, two people told me that I look like I've lost weight!

It's not a super easy bra to get into. It has little hooks that close in the front. I do up the bottom hook and then work my way up, pushing boob out of the way to get the hooks done up. At this point, I am completely stuffed in this thing. Last night my roommate told us that she met a girl who has a pet sugar-glider that she takes everywhere and keeps in her cleavage. I thought, no way would that work, first because I don't keep pets in my cleavage, second, because the poor thing would smother and get smooshed beyond recognition.

Anyway, this bra is gold! I got it on Amazon for $60 with free shipping. I think it's going to be worth every single penny.

The challenge is on!

2009-02-06T04:03:00.002-06:00

My nemesis arrived today in the mail. It was packaged in a cheery bag from old navy. Size 20 "Diva" jeans, bought on sale for $9.99

I figured since I had such success with the brown cords (still a touch tight around the mid section), I'd give this a go seeing what a bargain they are. The Dive cut is supposed to accommodate curvier rear end, so I thought they'd work for sure.

Not so much.

The thighs are cut rather straight, and I was unable to pull the crotch bit up to my crotch, and instead had it sitting just below, with bits of thigh being squeezed up and out into the space where the material should be. I refuse to wear pants and have the chub rub at the same time.

I think these pants will be just the thing in another 10 pounds or so. The scale's been hanging out at 283lbs for a while now, so I really need to kick it up a notch.

I also bought some yoga capris from Old Navy. I adore that I can not only get "plus" sizes, I can also get "tall". Pants that go down to my feet instead of floating around my ankles. The yoga pants from there are seriously the most comfortable pants I've ever worn. More comfy than my flannel pj bottoms even. In fact, I've been sleeping in them. I've also been going to work in them. These pants are brilliant!

So, I am off to try a new workout, wearing my new yoga pants and a old ratty stretchy sport bra. I finally decided to go ahead and shell out the $60 for an Enell sports bra, which has not yet arrived. Oh I hope I love it! Maybe I'd be able to do jumpy exercise then!

Jam!

2009-02-05T12:10:00.002-06:00

I have rediscovered my love for jam. What a great invention! It comes in all different kinds of flavours and you can buy posh brands like Bonne Mama Jam. You can kick a craving for chocolate in the teeth, and get some fruitiness in at the same time.

My breakfast this morning had me drooling as I was preparing it. Usually I have only tea, but I figured I'd go all out and see if I actually feel more energized and less hungry throughout the day. (it's been 3 hours, so far so good)

We bought a loaf of Sourdough bread, so I started out by just wanting a slice of that with jam along with my cup of Rooibos. I decided to add some of our yummy Almond Butter. Then I remembered that we have an avocado that came in our Greenling delivery. Avocado is not my favourite thing, but this sucker is really ripe and has to be eaten. I used avocado instead of butter, and piled one side high with some organic local lettuce, arugula, micro green and radish, with some carrots and tomato added. Then, for a good kick of flavour and protein I added a slice of honey cured turkey. So I had one delicious jam and almond butter sarmie, and one brilliant lettuce and lunch meat.

It was phenomenal.

Greenling

2009-01-30T20:39:00.004-06:00

We have a local service here in Austin, TX called Greenling, which is a service that will deliver "organic goodies" right to your door. I don't necessarily want to use the service because the vegetables are organic and local whenever possible, but I do feel that local & organic are huge perks.

We currently have one vegetarian roommate and mid Feb we'll have a second, so I am going to propose to them that we get a "local" basket. They fill up the basket with everything that is currently in season and harvested at farms in our area and drop it off at our doorstep every other week.

I'm very very interested in this idea. I also like that I can get organic/humane meat products from there for Hubby and me, who do love our bacon and are not about to go veg any time soon. We have loads of farmer's markets in town, but because I work nights and weekends, I am usually sound asleep when the farmer's markets are happening.

I think this would be a neat way for our household to support local business and reduce our carbon footprint ever so slightly.

Do any of you do something like this?

HYC check in.

2009-01-28T02:24:00.003-06:00

I just finished a 30 minute workout video, where I actually did about 95% of the actual video with them. When the cool down finished the the lady said "great job" I teared up. I can't believe I stuck with it all the way though.

I huffed and puffed my way through Self: Bikini ready fast. It started with me just sitting and watching the video through one night just before the Slicing of the Finger. I think the workout is geared towards thinner girls who just want to tone up ever so slightly. This means, it's pretty low impact for the lardies.

At target, I found a set of 2lb weights for $6. I have a set of 5lbs, from back when I weighed a full 100lbs less, but they are currently being used as doorstops. I can do more than 5 bicep curls with them without feeling like my arms are going to rip out of my shoulder sockets.

The second time I watched the video I sat cross legged on my bed and just followed along with the arms. I thought "oh my God, I really don't think I can do this. Who am I kidding with these stupid reviews of workout videos that I just did bits and pieces of." Mostly I sit down on the computer chair to try and catch my breath.

Tonight husband is at work and all the kitties are quietly sleeping on the bed. I just finished reading the Amazing Adventures of Dietgirl, and thought to myself that miss Dietgirl had 80lbs on my when she started her lard busting and she went to Bodypump class. If she can do it then damn well so can I.

So I found the little purple 2lbs weights under a pile of trashy romance novels on the floor next to my side of the bed and just went for it.

There is lots of squatting, which is hard for my due to being a major fatty and having dodgy knees to begin with. I didn't let it get me down, and just dipped my rear as much as I could manage. I did all the arms and I even did the lunges, but I am not able to do push ups, so I did downward dog instead.

I feel pretty good about myself for actually finishing it. I know it's going to be a long time until I'll be able to wear my most awesome cherry print xl bikini I bought in the juniors section at Target in 2006, but it's all about babysteps and having reasonable expectations, right?

I other news, the scale has been steadily hanging out at 283 lbs for about a week now, so I think it's safe to say I am at 7 lbs lost.

Amira Mor, lady of mystery

2009-01-23T21:44:00.003-06:00

So, I tried a new workout. One that does not require me to do anything with my hands and hurt my poor little finger.

The DVD promises "an amazing workout in the comfort of your own home". You will also get the opportunity to "wear beautiful, dazzling costumes made of colorful silks, brocades, sequins, and jewels."

I did very little exercise with this video, mostly because I kept bursting out laughing at how ridiculous it is. The studio that the video is filmed in is a large room, draped with golden material on the wall, with loads of little tables with golden tableclothes, straining under the weight of hundreds and hundreds of candles.

Amira does everything very slowly and languidly, and does not really give the viewer direction of what muscle you're supposed to be engaging. She gives several lessons on how to fold and tuck a sheer material around your body and how to remove it as your dancing. While this is interesting, it's really not a workout.

I luckily bought this video and Half Price Books for $4, so it's no big loss. This will not become one of my standby, routine workouts. But I may watch it if I start talking my exercise too seriously.

tipless finger

2009-01-17T17:49:00.002-06:00

On Thursday night I sliced the tip of my right middle finger right off. I bought a brand new madolin slicer and was so excited to be using it to prepare dinner. So excited that I was not paying attention. My finger was all the past the blade and my fingertip on the cutting board before the pain even hit me. I looked at my finger and saw a flat white tip, and a second later blood started gushing. I really didn't think it was all that bad at first, but it hurt like hell and it just would not stop bleeding.

Also, we only have big old bandaids and one tube of neosporin as our first aid kit. Oh, and only over the counter tylenol in the house. DH kept asking me if I wanted to go to the ER and finally he stopped asking and we just went.

I do not deal well with pain, aka I am a sissie, and I have a bit of a needle phobia. I had to get a tetanus shot, and the DR took one look at me and sent a nurse in with one valium and two vicodin. Then they said to hang out, apply gentle pressure and lets see if it would stop bleeding. After two hours it still bled whenever I let up on the pressure, and teh DR decided to cauterize the tip to seal off all those little capalaries. He injected my finger in 3 spots with a hellova big syringe chock full of lidocain. This really took the edge off the pain, and allowed me to ease up on the pressure, which I was applying as a reaction to the searing white heat in my finger as much as to stop the bleeding.

The DR left for a while to allow the painkillers to kick in, which also allowed the bleeding to slow to a trickle. In the end they just bandanged the entire finger up so it resembled a thick white sausage, and gave me a prescription for more vicodin.

I had to miss work since I have a job that involves lots of typing. I am tapping this out with only two fingers on my righthand, and the little sausaged middle finger keeps knocking into the other fingers causing tons of typos and lots of backspacing for me. Also, the vicodin takes care of the pain but does not agree with me at all. I have no appetite, but if I take the meds on an empty stomach I get nauseous and I throw up. I also get really whoozy and sleepy.

So if interested, you can click here to see the bandaged finger, and here to see the finger today, after two days of healing. It's pretty icky but not completely gross, probably because the blade is so sharp that it's a really nice clean cut.

It took me the longest time to type this out! you never realise how useful your finger is until you can't use it!

The brown cords, baby!

2009-01-14T01:40:00.002-06:00

Just a quick note to say, 01/13 is my wedding anniversary. My husband and I went out to a nice Italian restaurant downtown and had a fantastic meal we probably actually can't afford.

The most exiting detail is that I wore the brown corduroys! I tried them on at home and they felt tight, but pretty ok. Just in case, I move the button out by a few centimeters.

We had a fried artichoke hearts appetizer, then I had pear, walnut and Gorgonzola pasta (I swear this is just about the best pasta I ever had), and we finished off with balsamic ice cream for desert.

We each had a few spoonfuls but were so full that we took the ice cream to go. I also had to large mugs of steaming chai tea.

All that food, so much so that I couldn't fit ice cream, and I didn't even have to undo the button on those pants! I am totally chuffed with myself.

Pilates for the uncoordinated

2009-01-09T03:58:00.002-06:00

This kind of Pilates happens in the privacy of your bedroom, on a small little stretch of floor, with you cats looking on, and your husband sleeping on the bed directly next to you bit of floor. This kind of Pilates requires you to switch the ceiling fan off to avoid sticking your hand in it when you reach up and lengthen you spine and make "room for your organs". This kind of Pilates causes your sleeping husband to have strage dreams with the instructors voice narrating.

The DVD is called "Pilates weight loss for beginners. Lengthen, strengthen and tone using Pilates to develop a slim, lean physique" and it is really freaking hard.

Now of course the difficulty is a good thing, I know this. I just finised it about 15 minutes ago and can already feel a slow burn between my shoulder blades, which make me wonder in which part I used those muscles. Most of what I remeber was sticking legs in the air and using my poor weak abdimonals to try and keep them from crashing back to earth.

I stuck with the whole DVD but I spent at least 10 of the 15 minutes just gaping at the lady, and at least 15 sort of falling over and realising I am stretching my left hand past my left toe instead of my right hand. Oops.

This is called Pilates for weight loss, and we'll see how well it work. Presenter lady is super super skinny and svelte and says she's a mom of two. I really hope she used to be a fatty and got all skinny using Pilates, but I doubt it.

One thing I thought quite humerous is an exercise where you are laying on your back with both legs up in the air, and you are instructed to "squeeze your inner thighs together until you can't see any light between them". Oh Honey! have you met people who want to slim down? I cant see the light between my thighs just standing up comfortably. I actually have to put my feet hip width apart for any light to be passing between them, and even then the tops of my thighs are still lovingly nestled together.

On Sunday I will be trying out my other exercise DVD, called Gaiam, cardio balanceball. A previous roommate moved out an obligingly left her balanceball here for me. How nice, isn't it?

In the land of non-scale victories.

2009-01-02T03:03:00.002-06:00

I recently bought a pair of size 20 corduroys from Old Navy that fit just dandy over my thunderthigs and bubble butt, but there was no way I could stuff my tummy into it.

I put them in the closet and told them "just you wait". On Monday the 29th I pulled them out of the closet to pep my weighloss resolve up and remind myself how good they look on my ass, and lo and behold, I could zip them up!!!

Now don't get me wrong, I am not able to zip them up and actually wear them. I have to stand still and not breathe if I have them on. I showed husband in great excitment that I could zip them up and he pronounced my muffin tops "not that big", bless his heart. I told him that wearing the pants would be automatic portion control. I'd eat a quarter of what I usually pack away and then I'd have to stop to keep the zip from unzipping itself and my belly from oozing out of the zipper opening. I do think however, that if I move the buttons slightly out, I could potentially wear them to a standing-up activity - such as a concert, for example.

Here is, for fun, my food intake for last Monday:
2 Bananas
4 pieces Turkish delight left over from christmas
1/4 cup Hazelnuts
1/4 cup dried cranberries
1 serving Cadbury's solid milk chocs (it was probably two servings and I didn't write it down)
Huge sala made of cherry tomato, zucchini, romain salad with raspberry blush viniagrette
1 bag Asian Medley Birdseye Steamed Veggies
1 Michelina's past penne zucchini
water

Today's food
Banana
1 can Brisk Ice tea
2/4 cup emerald glazed walnuts
36 fl oz Gatorade
2 servings Beefed up Barley soup
4 cubes cheese
1 1/2 servings chocolate
24 fl oz water x2 - that 700 mls times 2. So almost 1 1/2 litres!
1 orange
1 kaiser roll (eaten while searching for missing kitty)
1 sugar cookie
husband's left over vegetables and speck of chicken from Italian restaurant the other night.

I am eating better than I used to, you'll notice no fizzy drink on either day. I've cut down on sugary sweet drinks quite a bit. If I'm going to do heaps of sugar, it'll be in chocs I adore, dammit!

The boys are back in town!

2008-12-28T02:30:00.004-06:00

I've been absent from blog land and exercise world due to developing a case of the nasty-couging-phlegm-fest. For a few days there I was coughing so hard and so often that my abs actually hurt! SCORE! I think if I have to waste time on being sick, the illness can do me the favour of forcing bit of my body to work out.

I have been on the mend for a few days now and am finally at the hardly-any-coughing stage. I feel completely worn out though. I haven't been to the gym since trying out the yoga class there. I did get on the scale once since the last weigh in and was at 284 lbs. I shudder to think what it is now after the Christmas spread. I did manage to control myself quite a bit at Christmas. I ate maybe half the sweets I would have done on previous Christmasses. I skipped MO-in-law's delicious pies altogether, but did have a rather large helping of trifle, which I put together myself, after convincing her that putting pumpkin in trifle would be a very bad idea indeed.

I felt like I was inintentionally falling off the wagon for the last week. I felt like I am sitting on the back of the wagon, dangling one leg over the side, contemplating how lovely it would be to hop of and have a nap on the soft grass instead.

I decided to stay on the wagon after getting a Christmas card from MO-in-law. She included a picture of the whole family taken on Thanksgiving. I swear, I look like somebody inflated me. I am the michilen man of the family. My arms do not go straight down, but rest on a slight angle against my rotund belly and side fat. I look so bloated and pale. I know it's been winter, but somehow I feel that a slighltly golden glow would have made the whole thing seem less dire.

This picture is a wake up call if there ever was one. Even my face looks fat. I think one of the main reasons I allowed things to get this far is because I do not gain easily in my face. Even now I do not have chins. Still just the one!

HYC wednesday weigh in.

2008-12-17T15:54:00.003-06:00

Well, it's a gain for this week. Quite a big one at that. It's really easy to think you had a good week and then to feel all that optimism shatter when you get on the scale and it says, gulp, 286 lbs. This is apparently what happens when you slowly work your way through a box of Guylian Fruits de Mer and only go to one yoga class all week long and then figure that it's adequate exercise.

Today, at right around 6 pm, the obese lesbian from former fat and I are going walking. We committed to walking at least one and a half mile. This is how out of shape we are. We can not commit to walking anything more because that would not be a realistic goal.

I am obese straight married lady, she is obese lesbian. We are both shooting for merely overweight at least, ideally thin and svelte and lovely, but I think even just falling into overweight would do wonders for our collective self esteem.

Bah Humbug! no way will I be able to zip up the gut busting corduroy trousers by Christmas.

Week in review.

2008-12-15T02:58:00.000-06:00

This week, I feel I did pretty well. I met one and a half of the three goals I set for myself. I feel like I met by far the biggest one, which was actually going to yoga class. I halfway accomplished what I wanted to in the healthy snack department, and I did not walk one and a half miles, since I was derailed by a very sore throat.

In the food department I made good choices at home, but did not make good choice in snacking and that is reflected on the scale. I plan to turn this little blip around in the next week. I ate waaayyy too much chocolate. I thought/hoped I would have the self control to stick to one serving a day if I got very nice lovely chocolate. Instead I polished of the box in three sittings. Now this, I have to point out, is a step in the right direction for me, since I would have polished off that same box in just one sitting in the past. The past being one or two months ago.

I am still in the area of fatness where you are so fat that you can't tell the difference if you lose two pounds or gain two pounds. No matter how hard I stare in the mirror to try and see if my gut is a little bit smaller, it just looks the same.

My throat is on fire, I feel absolutely sapped of all enthusiasm and strength, and we also got some less than stellar news regarding DH's continuing health care saga.

So a summery of this week
Actual food/meals: very good
Snacking: very bad
Exercise: great but not quite as stellar as I aimed for
Scale: up
Outlook: not that good/bleak

The bleak outlook has less to do with my weight and health than it does with my finances. I just joined a handy site I found called spending diary, where you can enter in every penny you spend every day and create your own categories for them. So instead of just "retail store" which is what my bank spending report calls Target, I can categorize every minute purchase, such as sunglasses and earrings, which goes under category "indulgence".

The thing is that DH and I are quite dreadfully in debt. I had a big old chunk of credit card debt to begin with and then he had 3 major surgeries this year. We are spending more on credit card debt per month than we are on rent. I told him that we are going to have to track every penny so we can see where we are being wasteful and get back on track. I feel if this works for calories it will also work for penny, n'est pas?

My new years resolutions are thus
Be less fat
Be less in debt
as a result, be calmer and happier

15: Yoga Class

2008-12-12T05:44:00.000-06:00

I have accomplished one goal for the week. I attended the yoga class. I tried to talk myself out of it as I was getting dressed. I unearthed my yoga mat where it was stuffed in a corner behind our chest of drawers. Strangely enough, there was a steak knife in the box with the yoga mat. This is the first time I've opened the yoga mat box in 3 years, so heaven knows how it got there.

I left for yoga, and then I tried to talk myself into going shopping as I drove to yoga. I didn't listen though and actually drove all the way to the gym. My plan was fantastic. I would set up close to the center of the room so I can see the instructor, but in the back so other people can hide me. There was one person in the room when I arrived. Two more showed up, and then the instructor came. That was it! Only 4 students! So much for hiding. I figured at least there are only 4 people in the room who could look at me and think about what a chubby klutz I am.

I had forgotten how hard yoga is. All that downward dog and supporting your body weight on your non-existent arm muscles. It's not even 24 hours after the class yet, and my bum, thighs, shoulder and arms are ACHING! I know it's a good ache, and I am going back. There will be a class next Thursday, but obviously none the week after that as it will be Christmas.

I have jeans from old navy that I can pull down without undoing the button or zip - but only after I've worn them for a few times straight. I figured if they can come off unassisted, I can probably go one size smaller, so I bought a beautiful pair of brown cords, that are actually cut "tall" so they reach all the way down to my ankles. I ordered them online, of course, since there are hardly ever Tall pants in the store, and even the non-tall pants are snapped up by all the other fatties as soon as they hit the shelves. They arrived today in the mail and they fit fabulously over my thighs and bum. The one small snag is that I can't quite do them up without sucking in my gut and holding it. If I was to relaxed they'd probably cut me in half.

So, my mini goal before winter is out is to get svelte enough that I could wear them before we get warm weather again. If I can manage to button them up and live by Christmas, I'll totally wear them for the day. They would no doubt discourage me from stuffing my face on mother-in-law's delicious Christmas dinner.

2 more pounds gone!

2008-12-09T05:55:00.000-06:00

I hopped on the scale earlier today, and found the numbers 282 blinking back at me. 282! GOOD HEAVENS! 8 pounds gone since I started the blog!

I have been very conscious about my insane snacking. I bought apples and bananas and have been eating those rather than whatever it was I was munching on before. I've also bought a variety of nuts and tried to glaze some walnuts. The keyword here is "tried". I looked up various recipes and then I just kinda did what the recipes said. So, they are good, but nothing like the Emerald nuts Glazed walnuts which I adore. I can't deny my sweet tooth, and sweet nuts is a whole bunch better than chocolate, isn't it?

My plans for the next few days are:
Make more healthy snack options available. This I will do by carefully following the directions for how to make sweet potato crisps and banana chips. The recipes I looked at makes it seem like a 3 hour affair, so I'll be leaving that for a day I'm not working - Wednesday or Thursday.

Attend a yoga class at the gym at least once this week. My options are Tuesday, Thursday or Sunday mornings. I think the Sunday class will be jam packed with weekenders, so I am going to shoot for the Tuesday class, and if for some reason it doesn't pan out, I'll be doing the Thursday class.

Do at least 1 1/2 miles on the treadmill when I next go to the gym for sure - which will be Wednesday am when I got off work. Every time I've gone so far I walked for 1 mile and then called it quits. Last time I was there I managed to pull a groin muscles which put me out of circulation for 2 days. TWO DAYS!!! How I am so fat that I get injured walking? I took magnesium, ate bananas for potassium and had a professional massage which I had a gift certificate for (thanks boss!), and I am now right as rain and itching to do more.

I must be doing something right, the scale would not be going down if I wasn't. I am super exited to be seeing results, even if it is just the numbers on the scale going down.

13: I can't believe it!

2008-12-06T03:06:00.000-06:00

The reason I can't believe it is because it's probably not true, but

I'VE LOST 6 POUNDS!!

We have an old school scale where the little needle points to the one, and when I get on it the needle swings around and hits 290, which is only 10 points to the other side of the one.

I went to Target to buy a digital scale, and got one that would be accurate to 0.3 pounds, thinking that this weight loss thing will take time and I'll wanna see every bit of it. Soooo, I got on it and it said 184 pounds. I stepped off, stepped back on, and it still said 184. so of course I thought "well, this is a different scale you know!" So I walked back to old school scale, where the needle only swung around to right in front of the 185. OH MY WORD!

I am astounded! I wasn't trying to diet, but I did keep mind better since I was trying to write down everything I ate.

I also went to the gym, twice! On Wednesday all I did was walk a 24 minute mile on the treadmill and go home, Thursday I walked a 21 minute mile, did some rowing machine, did some biceps weight machine, and then did stationary bike until I was no longer out of breath.

Thursday's little jaunt is the reason why I was only able to stand being at work for 2 hours today. I think I pulled a groin muscle, and man it hurts. I can't believe I injured myself just walking!

I have a gift certificate to massage envy, so my plan of action is to get up in a timely manner tomorrow and get the massage, and tell them to please fix that bit. I am kinda nervous about it because I don't really want anybody to see all my flab, but whatever, I am too going and it will be fantastic. I should be right as rain by Sunday, and in the event that I do not oversleep, I may go to the yoga class at the gym. I am paying through my neck for this gym, and this time around I am going to get my money's worth.

12: Tuesday's awake period

2008-12-03T03:11:00.000-06:00

So I’m reading the wikipedia entry on Obesity. Just to show you how utterly ridiculous I am, I am eating one serving of Cadbury’s solid milk chocolates and having a DR Pepper while I’m reading it. Oh, and I am a Class II when it comes to Obesity.

Quick aside:
Only one serving of chocolate since that was all that was left in the bag. 200 calories for the chocs, 150 calories for the DR P (it’s a itty bitty 12 fl oz/355 ml bottle). 350 calories right there. That is the same as my lunch! I had one cup one minute brown rice, 190 calories, and one bag steamed veggies, 200 calories – it’s 50 calories per portion, but I find eating the whole thing as a meal to be a much better idea. That 390, plus that snack makes 740, plus the brisk lemon iced tea I had when I got to work, (120 calories makes 860, plus the handful of dried wild blueberries (around 50 calories) makes it so far today, 910 calories altogether. Now that is pretty good if I do say so myself since I am STUFFED.

According to wiki, “A systematic review found that people who use pedometers, during on average an 18 week period, increased their physical activity by 27% and subsequently decreased their BMI by 0.38.” That is Freakin Great! I am wearing my pedometer right now! I keep obsessing in how I can get more steps in. Yesterday I actually went past 5000 steps! (this is of course only a 3rd of the recommended amount of steps per day for weight loss, but watev! It’s about 2000 more steps than I usually take)

Also according to wiki “The only remaining region of the world where obesity is not common is sub-Saharan Africa”, which is where I am from. This means that if I can ever afford to go visit home again, I better get rid of some serious poundage so that all of my old school chums won’t faint when seeing how much of a chub I’ve become.

Oh this is how in denial I am. I type up that I ate less that 1000 calories and am full. Hmph. I conveniently forgot going to our local sub chain called Thundercloud subs and getting a small Office Favourite, on wheat mind you. But only because they were out of white. 850 calories. This is due to the sub being made up of lettuce, tomato, bacon and eggs salad made with loads of mayo. Yummy, but fatty.

So, reality check on the calories, 1760 calories. DAMNit. I thought I had so many calories left for snacking.

11: Tuesday

2008-12-02T04:06:00.000-06:00

Technically Tuesday, I know, but I am still on Monday because my schedule is non conformist. One thing that I feel is a bit of an obstacle on my journey to svelte sexiness is my above mentioned schedule.

I work from 6 pm to 4:30 am. I sit in a cubicle at work, expect it's really much more exciting than just a normal old cubicle because at my job we call them "pods". I go home, snack mindlessly while watching reruns of CSI I have on the DVR, and if there is nothing good recorded to watch, then I watch Babies: Special delivery on normal TV. (Just incase I become insane and think I want kids, this show keeps me on track).

DH comes home from his job at 8 am, so I often just lounge around waiting for him to show up and then we go to bed together. Since it's winter now it only starts getting light around 7:30 am. I'm a little apprehensive about taking a walk in my neighbourhood when it's dark out - actually I'm also apprehensive about taking a walk in my neighbourhood in the middle of the day. I live on the East Side of town, and even though our neighbourhood is relatively quiet, the East Side has a reputation for all kinds of nastiness.

I wake up somewhere between 4 pm and 5:40 pm (when I oversleep like today) and putter around doing things like taking a shower, feeding our herd of kitties, and getting my lunch ready. I then go to work where I sit on my bum for the next 10 hours.

Here's my dirty little secret. I have a gym membership. I even got it at a discounted rate because I am a state employee. I haven't been since May. That is 7 months! I am such a lazy ass!
I have a rocksolid reason for not being able to go in May, September and October, but the rest of the time I was being lazy and nothing else. Since I started this job in Oct 2007 (coincidentally also when I got the gym membership) I have gained 20 pounds.

So the solution is obvious, isn't it? Instead of going home and collapsing under the little red blanky on the sofa, I need to go to the gym and just move my backside around some.

I'm waiting for inspiration to strike me like a bolt of lightning.

10: Monday early AM

2008-12-01T05:48:00.000-06:00

So I totally BLEW the good calorie count I had on Saturday by going home and gorging on a box of Christmas chocolates while watching CSI: NY reruns. Then, because I was feeling icky and guilty I actually got on a bicycle and actually biked around the block.

It damn near killed me.

I tried my own bicycle first, but I am so fat, that the slightly deflated tired became a completely deflated tire when I got on it. So I borrowed roomie's bike, and went around the block. The first part of the block is downhill, the second is uphill. Her bike has gears, so I was totally happy being on it, until I started getting out of breath. You know that feeling when you are so out of breath that your throat literally burns when you breath?, yeah, that was me. I was so desperate to switch to a lower gear that I, of course, could not figure out how the gear shift worked for the live of me.

I didn't die though, so that's pretty good. I'll pump my bicycle's tires, and figure out which roads are pretty flat. I wish my bicycle had gears. I wish I was clever enough to buy a bicycle with gears, and not a pink beach cruiser just because I thought it was pretty

09: Saturday

2008-11-30T00:05:00.001-06:00

So, back from Thanksgiving with DH's family. As for as gluttony is concerned I didn't do too badly. I was pretty much my usual self - quite reasonable on the food, piggy when if came to cakes and sweets. I do feel that I did better than I usually do. I only had on chewy ginger cookie from the box that was pushed my way. I had lots of little chocolates, but I didn't polish off the entire box like I usually do. I also drank cups and cups of water. OK, so by cups and cups I mean, probably 6, and it was all the same night. Usually I don't drink any water, so it's a step in the right direction.

Today, I had,
1 Marie Callendar's Grilled Chicken Alfredo Bake, 610 calories (333 calories from fat)
1 13.7 fl oz (405 ml) Starbucks frappuccino coffee drink, 340 calories (50 calories from fat)
1 serving Cadbury's solid milk chocolates, 200 calories, (70 calories from fat)
1 serving sweetened dried cranberries, 130 calories, (0 calories from fat!!!)
405 ml water, and I'm working on the second 405 mls right now. (0 calories, nothing, nada!)

Grand total thus far: 1270 calories, (453 from fat)

Steps on my pedometer so far 1054, calories burned 25.6

I know having frozen dinners is not the best, but here is why I like them

Portion control (No option of heaping your plate and having seconds)
Convenience (Can take them to work, they tell me exactly how many calories!)
No dishes (Perfect for my lazy ass)
Finances (Marie Callendar's are usually on sale at our local grocery store, 2 for $5. This is much cheaper than fast food, and only slightly more expensive than if I cooked food)

I think my mission is now to find frozen dinners that are yummy, filling and as few calories as we can get. I love my baggies of frozen veggies, but you need to change it up every so often, right?

Pictures: before now, and now

2008-11-26T02:56:00.001-06:00

Main reasons why I have to shed some pounds:
First there is me in the very beginning of 2006, and then there is me now.

Then there is the most beautiful ring my husband gave me, with the beautiful big diamond he inherited from his grandmother, and then there is my chubby finger, that the ring is currently stuck on.

So, it's obvious. I want my ring to fit on my finger, and I want to be able to wear the pants I had on in the before picture. Once my currently picture becomes the "before", I will be in those pants again. It's only a matter of time. I WILL do it.

07: Tuesday

2008-11-26T02:31:00.000-06:00

I couldn't go to work today because I had the most overwhelming headache I've had in a while. It was all to do with dehydration. My stomach decided to be upset yesterday, and I didn't drink nearly enough. I felt really miserable when I woke up, so what did I want to make myself feel better? Medicine? Don't be silly! I wanted fast food. So, today I had

1 Jack in the Box Sourdough grilled chicken club, 530 calories
a few of DH's curly fries - seriously only about 6 or 7 fries (about 135 calories)
one 32 ounce Gatorade 200 calories
Sonic Route 44 cherry Dr. Pepper 375 calories
and the complete indulgence:
10 Guylian Belgian Chocolate Seashells, 650 calories

I bought the smallest box of chocolates I saw, which is good, because if I bought a box with 20 pieces, that is what I would have eaten. I have to say that this box actually had 12 pieces but I gave two pieces to Roomie and offered some to DH, who unfortunately has no sweet tooth.

Grand Total: 1890 calories.
So, I have to be done for the day now so I can stay under 2000 calories.

I wore the pedometer today and took 1992 steps. ONLY 1992 steps. I read only that the recommended amount of steps for weightloss is 15 000. This is a huge problem.
I am going to have to make some major lifestyle changes if I am ever going to slim down. The reality is that I am very obese and very sedentary.

I work a nightshift - 6 pm to 4:30am, 4 days a week. I get home around 5am, and watch tv until around 7am or 8am. DHs gets home from his night shift at about 8:30am, so I try to stay up and see him. I like to sleep 8 to 10 hours, so I usually get up between 4 and 5pm and putter around the house before going to work.

At work at sit at a cubicle in front of a computer. I have two 15 minute breaks and one half-hour lunch. My workouts will have to be on the three days a week when I do not work. I don't feel safe going for a walk in my neighbourhood in the early AM hours. I joined a gym and worked out quite regularly for a while last year but fell off the wagon big time when DH had an organ transplant. They are open 24 hours a day, so I think I need to seriously consider going there after work, even though a gym membership will put a strain on our already strained finances.

In sad news, a JackintheBox oreo cookie milkshake has large: 1450 calories, small: 760 calories. Oh my goodness!!!! I love those!!! I haven't had one in at least one month, it is winter afterall, but in the summer I'd have one or two a week! Knowing the calories makes me sad. I liked oblivion better.

06: Monday

2008-11-25T03:56:00.000-06:00

Today I had:

2 little packeds Florida's Natural Fruit Nuggets, 100 calories
1 liter of water, 0 calories
1 bag Emerald Glazed Walnuts, 980 calories (that's 7 servings by the way, and not much better than the chocolates calorie-wise, but I did get 14 grams of protein)
1 cup white rice, 190 calories
1 bag Bird's eye Steamfresh Asparagus, gold & white corn and baby carrots, 280 calories
1 single serve bag Bird's eye Steam Fresh Sweet Peas, 70 calories.

Grand Total so far if I dont go home and snack more: 1620 calories.

I bought a pedometer yesterday from TJ Maxx for $7.99. I looked at amazon and saw that I got it for about half the price!

This pedometer counts steps, has a clock, has a timer, measures distance and counts calories burned. So I'd be able to see that in 2 hours, walking x amount of steps I burned x calories. It says that for the amount of time I've worn it today I burned 16 calories. Sad sad sad.

I think I must not have it in the right spot. Surely I took more than a paltry 250 steps. No wonder my knees complain when I try to do any serious walking. Seriously though, I think maybe this thing isn't sensitive enough. Maybe I need to bounce more when I walk to make sure it counts every step.

05: Sunday

2008-11-23T03:47:00.000-06:00

According to this BMI calculator, I'm at 39.3.
A BMI of 30 or greater means obese. It doesn't tell me which category of obesity I fall into - alarmingly obese? progressively obese? morbidly obese?

My BMI goal is to get to 30, which means being only overweight. This means I have to get rid of 70 pounds, at which point my BMI will be 29.8. It sees so impossible.

I want to be like Queen Latifah, I want to be a size healthier!

Of course being one size healthier, I'd have to not do things like polish off the bag of chocolates. Yesterday I was so good and had exactly one serving. Today, I watched the season finale of my fav. HBO show, True Blood and I just shoved every last piece in my mouth. That means, 1200 calories. Before that DH and I went out to eat and had sushi. I had Philidelphia roll (cream cheese!) and some Misha Roll (also cream cheese)! I also had two glasses of DR. Pepper.

The rest of the day I behaved fairly well. I drank water and didnt snack more because I felt so icky after eating all the chocolate.

04: Saturday

2008-11-23T00:48:00.001-06:00

Today!

1 cup Baked Potato Soup (with Bacon) from Randall's Signature Cafe
(410 calories, 840mgs of sodium!!)

32 fl oz/946ml gatorade (200 calories)

9.5 fl. oz./ 281ml Starbucks Frappuccino coffee drink (180 calories)

Cadbury's solid milk chocolates in a crisp sugar shell (16 pieces = 200 calories)

Emerald Glazed Walnuts about 1/4 cup (140 calories)

I've enver even bother to see what the serving size for the little chocolates were before. 16 pieces is quite a good amount, and I was super pleased to learn that it's only 200 calories!

grand total calories: 1130

When I got home from work I had: one cup white rice, a huge amount of steamed veggies and balsamic vinniagrette. I also had rooibus tea with milk and sugar. Then, I read and ate a whole lot more of that Emerald Glazed Walnuts. Oh, I also ate a little bit of Biltong, which is air dried meat - like jerky.

I'm starting to see a pattern, which is that I sabotage myself with what I eat when I get off work.

03: Friday

2008-11-21T21:58:00.000-06:00

I work a 10 hour shift on Fridays and get very sleepy. I a having a xl cherry DR Pepper to help me stay awake.

So far today, 20 fl oz gatorade, (150 calories)
small french fries from sonic (195 calories)
Grilled chicken sandwich from sonic, (343 calories)
xl cherry Dr. P (375 calories)

I have rice and steamed veggies with balsamic viniagrette packed for my dinner. I also have Smart Balance popcorn and dried cranberries in my desk drawer for snacking.
This is my problem. The meals and snacks I plan and very good. The meals and snacks I give in to are very bad.

I ended up not eating anything other than the sonic dinner while at work. When I got home I had the following:

20 fl oz of water
3 or 4 chocolate cookies (about 130 calories per cookie)
3 leftover honey bbq chicken crispers from Chili's. (one serving is 1180 calories!!)

I thought I generally had a good day until I came back to edit the post and add the calories. Goodness me! I can not believe I wasted that many calories on those chicken crispers. I was counting them as a snack too!

Grand total: 2660 calories.

02: First Stats

2008-11-21T07:17:00.000-06:00

Height: 6 foot, or 5 foot 11 if it's a male that's doing the measuring.
Weight: 290lbs / 131.5 kg
Bust: 50 inches /127 cm
Middle: 43 inches / 109.22 cm
Hips: 51 inches / 129.54 cm
Thighs: 34 inches / 86.36 cm

Thigh circumference is for one thigh, measured around the widest part. Middle measurement is taken about an inch above my belly button - which is actually not the thinnest part of me. The area where my ribs end are the thinnest. I am hoping to actually see inches going. Maybe I should do the measurements in centimeters, since they are smaller than inches I'd probably see results sooner!

I don't know how accurate our scale is. It's not digital, and cost about $5. I plan on getting a digital scale.

I really want to stick with this. I liked the way I felt at about 165lbs to 170lbs. I wore jeans that seems absurdly tiny to me now, but they were size 14s, kinda skinny cut.

I weighed about 70 kg in highschool. I think the thinnest I ever was was 65 kgs. I hate getting on the scale are rarely did then, and I still rarely do now. When I moved to a non-metric country it took a long time before the numbers on the scale meant anything to me. I plan on weighing in at least once a week. Just to keep track of everything.

01: Happy beginning of a journey

2008-11-21T07:12:00.001-06:00

I was complaining to Dear Husband (DH) that my hips and middle is a 1x, but my thighs are 3xs.
This is true, I actually measured them and looked at Old Navy's size chart and made this discovery. The result is that my pair of jeans, cut to accommodate my thunder thighs, can actually slide right off my hips without me undoing the zip or button.

When I met my husband in 2006 I was 100 pounds lighter than I am now. I thought I was chubby, which is rather funny now.

I think my biggest problem with weight loss is that I am not accountable to anybody. So regardless of if anybody will actually read this blog, I will be accountable to this blog. Having everything right here in black and white will (hopefully) be something that will keep me on track.

I will be 100% honest, and I will update even if there is nothing happening.